Belonging
Sad about the circumstances which brought on the best day of my life. Seems my baby sister - in death - gave me my day in heaven. A possible thank you for taking care of her all those years, or just a coincidence.
It was just a few days after she died, the final day of the wake and the evening before the funeral. The family decided to stay together that night. We were all to sleep over at my parents’ house. I remember driving dad’s van home. I felt like such a man in charge of his family. His elder parents, his crazy brother, and of course the beautiful lady at his side.
I remember so clearly the elation I felt waking up the day of the funeral. I could smell the coffee brewing over the familiar scent of my moms house. The hustle and bustle downstairs as my parents were getting ready. Jessy lay beside me, and I kissed her to wake her. For a moment it felt as though I was waking up with my wife on a Christmas morning. We went down to the kitchen and had our coffee with my parents, made some small talk about the weeks’ current events. Eventually Jessy and I returned to our little room and watched each other get dressed, and I would sneak in a kiss, even a little grope, while no one was looking. We laughed at the crazies yelling in other parts of the house. I chuckled while thinking “welcome to the family”.
I can’t find the words to describe the peace I felt inside me. I had longed for that day my entire life. To belong to something, to feel I had finally been accepted. It was the happy stuff movies are made of. I had everything that day. And if I had to relive a moment in time over and over… I guess that morning in the bedroom would have been it.
It only lasted a short while. Mom started an argument just hours after the funeral. Much has happened and much has been lost since that day. In fact as I write this, I am alone. I guess I will never truly belong.
Rest in peace Rosa… and thank you for my day.
